Berlin Writing
I nervously sat, waiting for our practice to start. I impatiently rattled my leg and anxiously prayed that I wouldn’t make big mistakes. I looked around the room. The room was vast and a bit dark except the lights made it look bright. The lights made the room look bigger. The atmosphere of the room was chaotic as over fifty people were trying to take out their instruments. The curtains were navy and the floor was dark giving me the underground practice room vibe. I kept looking at the Berliner Symphoniker members preparing to practice with us. I was getting severe butterflies in my stomach since they were professionals and I wasn’t.
Despite the sounds, I could find tranquility in my corner. I tried to calm myself down so that I didn’t have to be nervous. I finally started practicing, playing the notes on my music sheet, especially the high notes and the hard parts that I struggle with. I played timidly as I didn’t want to look bad in front of them, especially because I was First Violin.
As more people sat down, I became more nervous and anxious. I knew that I had to make the first good impression. The first violinists in front of me made eye contact with me, and I was suddenly intimidated by their looks. It looked like they were going to grade me on my violin skills and disposition. I kept practicing acting nonchalantly and showing the best posture I could.
Then, a guy who looked about forty years old with grayish hair and glasses came and sat next to me. I stared at him for a split second and looked back at the music sheet. I suddenly realized it was rude, so I turned back again toward him. When I was about to say hi, he said it before me. I replied with a hi and smiled awkwardly.
After a few awkward moments in silence, I started practicing the piece when I heard him ask me something. I paused turned my body towards him and smiled. I asked him to repeat himself. He asked me if I spoke English and I replied with a nod and a smile. He asked me typical tourist questions such as where I came from, where I had been to in Berlin, how the city is to my liking, and more. I felt comfortable now that we talked for a few minutes. I realized he was very friendly and nice. After being in silence for a few seconds, we started practicing.
I stood in front of a brown, immense door. My heart was pounding. I had the urge to open the door to peek at the audience. I thought there wouldn’t be many people since we were a youth orchestra from another country. The world outside the door was people solely focusing on us, childish and immature kids from South Korea, playing instruments. In the worst-case scenario, they would probably think of us as just having fun here instead of taking the orchestra seriously.
As everyone gathered near the door, I knew the time was coming —the time to step into the spotlight. I made sure mentally and physically that I was feeling fine to go on stage. I closed my eyes tightly and prayed to God that I wouldn’t make mistakes during our performance. I honestly didn’t understand my nervousness. I’ve been on stage for a long time.
Suddenly, the worker in front of the TV screen signaled. I breathed in and out to calm myself, straightened my shoulders, and lifted my head proudly. I knew I had to assure myself that I had high self-esteem so that everyone would think I was a good player and that I could also think that.
When the door opened, the first violins were awkward as to who was going to be the first one to be on the stage. First Violins awkwardly went on the stage with our music sheet grasped in one of our arms and the violin in the other. My hands were sweaty. All I could think about was the cliché thoughts everyone on stage had. What if I slip? What if I drop my music sheet? What if I fall?
I safely walked to my seats, sat down, and opened my music folder to our piece. Then, I straightened my back and positioned my legs. I patiently waited until everyone was on the stage.
With our conductor’s one sweep of his baton and a little silent signature of his mouth, we started our piece. I just went with the flow that our conductor was holding. I was thinking about my posture, my movement, and how the audience would see me rather than focusing on the music. By the time I was back in my senses, I realized we were in our last, the fourth movement. I focused back on the piece rather than focusing on my surroundings. I decided to focus on my performance.
After our final impacting strokes, we ended our performance. There were tremendous amounts of clapping from the audience. I was so astonished that I almost made a shocked face. I calmed myself down and stood up to our conductor’s signs. I finally got to look at the audience properly. I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. I saw several figures standing up. At first, I thought I was seeing hallucinations. It was when others kept standing up and clapping that I finally realized that we had gotten a standing ovation. Standing ovation, in the Berlin Philharmonic Hall. I was an honor to get these applauses that we don’t deserve. I could feel the sides of my mouth slowly going up. I knew how hard we worked over the last six months. I couldn’t describe my feelings then. I was feeling a mix of emotions: pride, happiness, joy, honor, and more. I felt our orchestra was grand. Even though we made some mistakes, I felt we added a perfect period at the end. We finally felt ourselves fulfilling our name: Majestic.
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